i admire your openness in such a personal matter. looking at what you have and what you are today - you are reaping all the blessings from the lessons sowed in the past. and yes, thanks to 'yed' the teacher of examples.
This is from a friend who wishes to be anonymous. I tot her experience will add value to us all and asked for permission to post it -
Anas, I was in tears too. Didn’t want to write openly, just for you, let me share my story.
My dad was a toto man too, he won big and bought us gold, etc. then he married another and the world crumbled. I don’t want to say much, it’s just if he had not got into gambling, maybe we won’t be so poor then sampai beli beras pun tiap2 hari sekati dua kati untuk cukup makan. He died after a post surgery coma, and my regret is i never see him solat...
when I got married in 1997, the first year was economically bad for my husband. he quit his job and he made friends with people that I disapprove. Still i can’t control his movement. One day I checked his diary and found plenty of number combinations that I am so familiar, he was into toto too! That was a double blow anas in my life. That is also the starting point I lost my respect to him because of my past experience. Next horror when he didn’t come home one day and when I qtned him, he said he went outstation to find "tanduk kerbau" utk buat tangkal for good numbers or something. i can’t take it anymore and reported it to my father in law...
That lost of respect grew bigger due to many other factors, and we part ways Jan 2 last year. He changed, no more into gambling but now working hard, direct selling coz he knows I am very zealous to ensure only halal money goes for my 3 kids monthly maintenance.
Thanks for sharing; I know it must be hard for you to expose something so shady in the family as I did mine to you.
I think the biggest gambling problem is not the slot machines or casinos. The biggest problem are the ubisquotious 4-digits shops whose main customers are the lower-incomed folks. All you have to do is hang around a 4-digit shop on the days of their draws and figure out for yourself the clientele that it attracts.
The gambler at a casino would typically spend much more than a a gambler at a 4-digit shop. But as a percentage of their income, the guy at the 4-D shop would be spending more. The social ills are far greater at the 4-d shops. It is true that occasionally a gambler at the casino would lose his mind and flounder everything but this is a rarity.
If anyone plans to reduce gambling (which I support), it would be best to start with the 4-digit shops.
Dear Anas, I read your latest blog entry many times. I also saw your status in FB. I cannot try to imagine how difficult it must have been to write something so personal. I really admire and respect you for being able to do that. The thing that is captivating about the piece is that despite what I assume was a bitter experience you went through, I read tenderness in the way you wrote about your father - you provided an explanation, you never stopped regarding him as your "Yed", you acknowledged your rudeness and still wanted to be his "lucky/winning ticket". You stood your ground against your father, but you never gave up on him. I also remember you telling me that in your book that is to be published you are dedicating it to your father. You also said "he is not a bad person". I am reminded of how you made Mak Minah a "national hero". Your experience with your dad is very similar to that of a close friend of mine, Y, who was my number one competitor in school (Maths especially). She sat next to me in school and would rival me in everything including religion. She was responsible for making me study, and even researching in Islam and choosing to pray. One day in school, we were made to write our goal in life. My goal was a frivolous one of wanting to be rich and married to a handsome guy kind of thing. When we were made to exchange our goals, she refused and I had to snatch her book from her. I did not understand her hesitation. I thought it was all a part of fun. I expected her goal to be not much different from mine. By the time I got her book, she was already crying. I read her goal and felt ashamed of my childish ways. I grew up instantly at that moment. The goal she wrote was to work hard and pay off her dad's gambling debts. I did not have a privileged childhood because we were poor, but the hardships I knew, were nothing compared to hers. I felt so "insaf" Her father developed colon cancer a few years later. Although both of us got the same scholarship and had the same grades, she deferred going to university because she had to work to provide for her family. She eventually went back to university after her dad passed away, 3 years later than us her contemporaries. Recently we met in Brisbane and had long talks. She revealed that after all these years, she finally managed to be free and forgave her dad. She was not angry about the gambling but was angry that he was not there to be a dad and had left her to fend for herself and the family. She felt that these were her inadequacies. Her love for him never wavered. Thank you Anas for sharing and giving.
What a touching entry. Thank you for opening my eye to the woes that I never experienced. I pray for strength and happiness to you and all that face the same challenges.
A quote I found yesterday, 'If God brings you To it, He will bring you Through it' - Insha-Allah.
The last writing that brought tears to my eyes was from Kathy Lette's "How to kill your husband (and other useful household hints). And now this. (But of coz I read mostly the boring stuff about life cycle of fungus and how to dope people out of their misery...nothing to cry about).
If you continue writing from your heart, which clearly what this piece is, it's okay for you to leave your day job :->
Truly a moving piece of writing and I can "bet my bottom ringgit" that it must have not been easy for you to write what you just wrote. (Unfortunately, I don't even "bet"). For that, I thank you for sharing.....
P/S you are an example of a person who determines his own destiny, learning from bad experiences to strive for a better outcome. If I were you, I'd go in front of the mirror and kiss yourself
Hi Anas, Many children suffered because of the gambling habits of their parents. The worst thing is there is no help available any where for these children. For the few lucky one like you that did managed not to let it affect their life there are equal if not more that were unfortunate enough to suffer with no help in sight ( both physically and emotionally ). I myself am a victim of such parents - I have a compulsive gambler mum that live and breath genting. Although I now have my own family the problem has not gone away, the emotional torture continues. I cry for myself and the many children caught in the web of legalized gambling in Malaysia.
Abang Anas,
ReplyDeletetruly moving. glad you share this piece.
Al-Fatihah to your Yed.
Shah Abg. Halil
very touching anas, very similar story to mine.
ReplyDeletei admire your openness in such a personal matter. looking at what you have and what you are today - you are reaping all the blessings from the lessons sowed in the past. and yes, thanks to 'yed' the teacher of examples.
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteBro until last August, we had to cajole, beg and at times get into a war of words just to get my dad to skip his bourbon...
So, I guess it's not easy. Great story Bro..
Che
This is from a friend who wishes to be anonymous. I tot her experience will add value to us all and asked for permission to post it -
ReplyDeleteAnas, I was in tears too. Didn’t want to write openly, just for you, let me share my story.
My dad was a toto man too, he won big and bought us gold, etc. then he married another and the world crumbled. I don’t want to say much, it’s just if he had not got into gambling, maybe we won’t be so poor then sampai beli beras pun tiap2 hari sekati dua kati untuk cukup makan. He died after a post surgery coma, and my regret is i never see him solat...
when I got married in 1997, the first year was economically bad for my husband. he quit his job and he made friends with people that I disapprove. Still i can’t control his movement. One day I checked his diary and found plenty of number combinations that I am so familiar, he was into toto too! That was a double blow anas in my life. That is also the starting point I lost my respect to him because of my past experience. Next horror when he didn’t come home one day and when I qtned him, he said he went outstation to find "tanduk kerbau" utk buat tangkal for good numbers or something. i can’t take it anymore and reported it to my father in law...
That lost of respect grew bigger due to many other factors, and we part ways Jan 2 last year. He changed, no more into gambling but now working hard, direct selling coz he knows I am very zealous to ensure only halal money goes for my 3 kids monthly maintenance.
Thanks for sharing; I know it must be hard for you to expose something so shady in the family as I did mine to you.
Take care your hati. rgds,
Anas,
ReplyDeleteI think the biggest gambling problem is not the slot machines or casinos. The biggest problem are the ubisquotious 4-digits shops whose main customers are the lower-incomed folks. All you have to do is hang around a 4-digit shop on the days of their draws and figure out for yourself the clientele that it attracts.
The gambler at a casino would typically spend much more than a
a gambler at a 4-digit shop. But as a percentage of their income, the guy at the 4-D shop would be spending more. The social ills are far greater at the 4-d shops. It is true that occasionally a gambler at the casino would lose his mind and flounder everything but this is a rarity.
If anyone plans to reduce gambling (which I support), it would be best to start with the 4-digit shops.
Cheers
hi,
ReplyDeleteIt is truly a motivated yet touching article i will say.
i have been follow your blog after your open letter in TheStar.
love your writing and your goals.
keep it up !
from trevthism.blogspot.com
From another friend who wishes to me anonymous -
ReplyDeleteDear Anas,
I read your latest blog entry many times. I also saw your status in FB. I cannot try to imagine how difficult it must have been to write something so personal. I really admire and respect you for being able to do that.
The thing that is captivating about the piece is that despite what I assume was a bitter experience you went through, I read tenderness in the way you wrote about your father - you provided an explanation, you never stopped regarding him as your "Yed", you acknowledged your rudeness and still wanted to be his "lucky/winning ticket". You stood your ground against your father, but you never gave up on him. I also remember you telling me that in your book that is to be published you are dedicating it to your father. You also said "he is not a bad person".
I am reminded of how you made Mak Minah a "national hero".
Your experience with your dad is very similar to that of a close friend of mine, Y, who was my number one competitor in school (Maths especially). She sat next to me in school and would rival me in everything including religion. She was responsible for making me study, and even researching in Islam and choosing to pray. One day in school, we were made to write our goal in life. My goal was a frivolous one of wanting to be rich and married to a handsome guy kind of thing. When we were made to exchange our goals, she refused and I had to snatch her book from her. I did not understand her hesitation. I thought it was all a part of fun. I expected her goal to be not much different from mine. By the time I got her book, she was already crying. I read her goal and felt ashamed of my childish ways. I grew up instantly at that moment. The goal she wrote was to work hard and pay off her dad's gambling debts. I did not have a privileged childhood because we were poor, but the hardships I knew, were nothing compared to hers. I felt so "insaf"
Her father developed colon cancer a few years later. Although both of us got the same scholarship and had the same grades, she deferred going to university because she had to work to provide for her family. She eventually went back to university after her dad passed away, 3 years later than us her contemporaries.
Recently we met in Brisbane and had long talks. She revealed that after all these years, she finally managed to be free and forgave her dad. She was not angry about the gambling but was angry that he was not there to be a dad and had left her to fend for herself and the family. She felt that these were her inadequacies. Her love for him never wavered.
Thank you Anas for sharing and giving.
What a touching entry. Thank you for opening my eye to the woes that I never experienced. I pray for strength and happiness to you and all that face the same challenges.
ReplyDeleteA quote I found yesterday, 'If God brings you To it, He will bring you Through it' - Insha-Allah.
The last writing that brought tears to my eyes was from Kathy Lette's "How to kill your husband (and other useful household hints). And now this. (But of coz I read mostly the boring stuff about life cycle of fungus and how to dope people out of their misery...nothing to cry about).
ReplyDeleteIf you continue writing from your heart, which clearly what this piece is, it's okay for you to leave your day job :->
Truly a moving piece of writing and I can "bet my bottom ringgit" that it must have not been easy for you to write what you just wrote. (Unfortunately, I don't even "bet"). For that, I thank you for sharing.....
P/S you are an example of a person who determines his own destiny, learning from bad experiences to strive for a better outcome. If I were you, I'd go in front of the mirror and kiss yourself
Hi Anas,
ReplyDeleteMany children suffered because of the gambling habits of their parents. The worst thing is there is no help available any where for these children. For the few lucky one like you that did managed not to let it affect their life there are equal if not more that were unfortunate enough to suffer with no help in sight ( both physically and emotionally ).
I myself am a victim of such parents - I have a compulsive gambler mum that live and breath genting. Although I now have my own family the problem has not gone away, the emotional torture continues. I cry for myself and the many children caught in the web of legalized gambling in Malaysia.