IDIOT'S GUIDE TO MALAYSIAN POLITICS :)

 

IDIOT'S GUIDE TO MALAYSIAN POLITICS :)

Note : Wrote this in March 2013. Do you think it is still relevant today?

1. Cronyism is only wrong when it is practised by the other side.
2. Corruption is only wrong when it is practised by the other side. But if he or she joins us, everything becomes halal again.
3. If it was the ABC Government that proposed an underground tunnel in Penang, XYZ would oppose it  - and vice versa.
4. Factories are dangerous when the other side builds them - and vice versa.
5. When the other side talks about race, they are racist. When we talk about race, it's because we care.
6. Big projects are wasteful ONLY IF they are mooted by the other side. When we moot them, it's smart economics.
7. A Satan is a Satan as long as he is on the other side. Join us, and immediately Satan becomes an angel.
8. If you are not with us, you are against us  - even if you are right.
9. My party and I speak on behalf of God. If you don't follow us, you will go to hell.
10. All my leaders are smart; all your leaders are idiots.
11. When my children move up the political ladder, they are smart. When your children do the same, it's nepotism.
12. My research shows we have more support and will win the next general election. Your research that says otherwise must have been done wrongly.
13. My forensic expert is better than your forensic expert.
14. When our two leaders debate, my leader will always be better, no matter how stupid he or she sounds.
15. My ulamak is better than your ulamak, even if my ulamak never quotes the Quran.
16. Our idiots are smarter than your experts.
17. When I disagree, it is democracy. When you disagree, you are rude, stupid, bought over, influenced, etc., etc.
18. Green is blue when you say it. Blue is green when I say it.
19. When I give handouts, it is because I care. When the other side does it, they are buying votes.
20. Only jokes about the other side are funny.

Note: Siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedasnya.

Anas Zubedy
(March 2013)